Desperation
by xhellogoodbyegirl116x
Summary: After one of the hardest cases of their careers threatens to rip them apart, Elliot and Olivia are left to try and put together what remains of their relationship. While Elliot tries to run, Olivia isn't going down without a fight. postFault, EO
1. Chapter 1

She stared at the door. He had walked out such a long time ago, but she was still in such a state of shock that her eyes couldn't leave it. It was like he was giving up on everything that they stood for. They had worked so hard to build this, and now he was going to throw it all away after one bump in the road. It had taken them almost eight years to finally reach this point, this place of total affection for each other, and he was just walking away from everything because he was scared.

Her eyes began to hurt staying open. The vibration of her cell phone pulled her out of her dream-like state. Her heart leapt as she thought who could be on the other end of the phone. But as she thought about it more, what would she say? Why would he call her? As she looked at it, she saw it was Munch.

"Hey John," she answered, attempting to sound as composed as possible. It wasn't going as well as she hoped it would.

"You okay?" he asked. "Elliot came back here a while ago to drop something off before he went home. When we asked where you were he said you were taking care of yourself. He was acting a little wound up, well, more than usual. Did something happen between the two of you? He didn't leave you there, did he? 'Cause if he did…"

Olivia stood up from the plastic chair outside of Rebecca's room. As she began to walk towards the exit of the hospital silent, she wondered if she should tell Munch. By telling him she could end up inviting the whole unit into her personal life problems? Or she could not tell him and live without the advice that levelheaded John always gives without telling her what to do. No matter how much she wanted to deny it or say that John was a sarcastic whiner, he always knew what to do. She could go to him when she couldn't go to Elliot. She would go to him even when she could.

"He seemed okay when he left. I told him I was fine and that he could go ahead," Olivia lied. "Maybe the whole day is just getting to him."

Horrible images began to fill her eyes. She tried to block them out as hard as she could. She shut her eyes and squeezed them tightly.

A harried looking Gitano with Ryan and Rebecca was coming at her. The silver was gleaming as it came straight at her neck. She froze, knowing she was caught. The searing pain from her neck, but the worse pain that came from Elliot's eyes once he realized that he had made a mistake choosing her over the little boy. In return, choosing her cost the boy his life.

Then there was the hold-up at the warehouse. Gitano was screaming lies at them as he wagged the gun at Elliot's head. Olivia had the gun pointed straight at him, but she couldn't pull herself to shoot Elliot. During that period of time, all she wanted to do was take the gun and turn it on her. It was just too much to handle. He was playing with Elliot's and her minds, along with their relationship, which had been put on rocky ground after the incident at the bus station.

"Liv, you still there?" John repeated.

"I'm sorry, John, I-uh-just have a lot on my mind right now. After today, everything has just been so confusing, I guess," she replied. As she walked out the door, she realized for the first time that the car was gone. She could take a taxi home, but she had no money. She could walk back to the stationhouse, but she was unsettled that she had no idea which way was which.

"Liv, are you sure you're okay? You're sounded a little mixed up in the head right about now, and I'm not sure that I want to hang up if you are," John pursued, his voice sounding compassionate.

Olivia took a deep breath. "John, do think you could come pick me up? I'm a little disoriented after what happened, and I have no way to get back to the station," Olivia said.

After they conversed for a little while longer, Olivia hung up. She sat on a nearby bench, waiting for John to arrive.

People walked by. Olivia watched every single one of them, praying for some strange reason that it was him. The longer she sat there, the more she thought of him. The more she thought of him, the more feelings came into her head, threatening to leak out. Was he thinking about her? Did he feel this much pain? Was he as angry as she was? Confused? Desperate? Needy? Most of all, heartbroken?

She placed her head into her hand and closed her eyes. When did everything get so difficult? Or, more importantly, when and how did she and Elliot fall to this point? What was 'this point'? She hoped it wasn't what she was thinking it was. Had she been lying to herself every single day? What had gone wrong?

None of this made sense. This wasn't how it was supposed to work. Olivia and Elliot were SuperPartners. They were supposed to be together forever. How could something as small as this manage to rip them apart?

Olivia didn't want to let this happen. She couldn't. If she did, she wouldn't be able to face Elliot anymore. She didn't want to let herself fall to that point. Her life would be over. Elliot and her job was her life. If she couldn't go to Elliot anymore, she couldn't do her job the way she wanted to.

* * *

**okay. that was my first attempt at a law and order: svu story. i am hoping that i managed to capture the characters' personalities and the natural essence of the show. this is basically the aftermath of the episode _fault_. i really liked the episode, but i thought that it ended on a weird note, causing elliot and olivia's relationship to fall apart from there. if you liked it, let me know.**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Olivia didn't want to let this happen. She couldn't. If she did, she wouldn't be able to face Elliot anymore. She didn't want to let herself fall to that point. Her life would be over. Elliot and her job was her life. If she couldn't go to Elliot anymore, she couldn't do her job the way she wanted to._**

* * *

When a car horn sounded, pulling out of her deep thoughts, John waved to her from the car window. She stood up from the bench and walked to the car with as much composure as she could.

Preparing herself for a usual barrage of nosy questions, she put up a mental barrier. But as she sat down and buckled herself in, he was strangely quiet.

"Rebecca's okay?" John mused, keeping his vision on the road as they began to move.

Olivia nodded. "She's a little shaken up by this, especially watching what happened to her brother. But it seems like she's going to make a full recovery. Her father was coming to pick her up soon," Olivia replied.

John nodded in response, ending the conversation and adding an extra amount of awkwardness into the car.

She felt a little uneasy. John knew something had happened, and yet he wasn't saying anything. Usually, John always needed to know every single thing that was going on, whether it concerned him or not.

After driving in silence for sometime, she finally asked, "Elliot came back?" If no one was going to talk to her about this, then she was just going to have to start the conversation herself.

Once John had stopped at the red light, he turned and peered at her from over his dark glasses. "Liv, I have no idea what is going on between you and El, but I'm positive you two will be able to sort in out and get on with your friendship still intact."

Olivia smiled slightly, nodding in agreement. But she couldn't help notice that John had said 'friendship' instead of 'partnership', and that bothered her. She wanted to stay partners with Elliot. She needed to. They had one of the longest partnerships: eight years!

"Do you want to go back to the station, or do you want me to drop you off at your apartment?" John asked her.

Olivia thought for a moment as she ran a hand through her hair. "Take me back to the station. I have a couple things I need to take care of before I go home…I'll just take a taxi back to my house later," she answered.

John nodded and took a left instead of the right that would have taken them to her apartment.

The two of them sat in utter silence, leaving Olivia to do nothing but think. She couldn't help but feel that all of this was her fault. She should have done something differently. She wasn't sure what, but there must have been something that she could have done to prevent this all from occurring.

She began to wring her hands, a habit that she had whenever she became anxious. It wasn't one that she enjoyed, either.

It was her fault. She should have apologized for everything. For worrying him, for getting hurt, for loving him.

When they finally reached the house, Olivia's fingers were sore. John parked the car, and Olivia got out, trying to hold herself together.

John came around to the other side. He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. Whispering in her ear, "It's all going to be okay, you'll see," he wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"But what if it's not?" she mumbled to herself, just loud enough that John could hear it. "What if things can never be the same, all because a man came between us?

John stood silently, unsure of what to say. "You can't think like that Olivia."

She pulled away from John, her voice growing in volume. "But it's true!! This perp, Gitano, just came in and turned everything upside down. Elliot is acting like Gitano created something that wasn't there, but all Gitano did was expose what we didn't want to show. And now, while I want to face Elliot and talk about it, he's to stubborn to actually care!!" Olivia shouted, her voice ringing through the parking lot.

John stood there, letting the woman get rid of feelings that would weigh her down. As he watched her go off on a rant, he was trying to be as empathetic as possible, but he had a limit. He knew the love that Olivia and Elliot shared but could never confess. He had never felt something like that.

When Olivia had finally calmed down, she walked back over to him. "I'm – I'm sorry. I just had to get it out," she stated, a weak smile coming across her face.

John was taken aback by the apology. "Don't be sorry. I understand," he replied as he began to lead her inside.

When they walked through the double doors of the station, Olivia immediately shut her eyes and prepared herself for the people. Would they judge her? Would they scorn her for everything that happened today? A child had died at her hands, and her partner had almost died as well. Her usual self could have handled it, but after all that had happened today, she vulnerable and exposed. Not like her usual self. She was actually scared to go inside. But when she walked in, people only glanced at her. Nobody paid too much attention.

She got to her desk and sat down. Jhon and Fin both looked at her sympathetically as they ignored the case that they had been working on beforehand. She had come back to finish up a report, gather a few things, and talk to the Captain, but she soon found herself staring aimlessly at Elliot's desk.

She shook her head at this, getting angry at herself. She jumped up from her seat and walked to Cragen's door. Instead of knocking as she normally would have, she walked right in. Cragen's head snapped up from his desk. Once he saw it was Olivia, his facial expression changed immediately.

"Hey Liv. How are you?" he asked as sympathetically as possible.

"Truthfully? Terrible…" she answered as she down in the leather chair that was facing his desk.

Cragen looked at the distraught young woman sitting in front of him. "Is there anything I can do to help you out?" he offered.

"Can you get my partner to trust me again, or at least to want to work with me again?" Olivia laughed bitterly, not looking up from the floor.

Donald was silent as her expression slowly broke away. She placed her hands over her eyes and began to sob. "What did I do? How did all this happen? How did we go from yesterday, which was fine, to today?" Olivia cried.

"You didn't do anything, Olivia. No one, in any way, could have predicted what way going to happen today, especially not you. Olivia, what happened between you and Elliot is something that is almost unnatural. Situations like that rarely happen," Cragen responded.

"What am I going to do?" she sniffled as she began to wipe away the tears that tracked down her face.

"You regather yourself. You try and start over from where you were before this happened," Cragen hinted, meaning her and Elliot.

"Take the next week off. I gave Elliot it off as well as mental health time. But I would also like you to go see George before you go home. It'll do you some good," he replied as she nodded.

She slowly stood up and left the room. As she grabbed her things before going to her locker, Fin walked over to her. "How you holdin' up?" he asked.

She shrugged with a fake smile plastered on her face. "Just barely, but I'll survive."

He smiled at that. "Well, you get your head together. But if you need any help at any time, you call me up and I'll take you out and we can drag Munch and his scrawny butt along too," he joked.

"I heard that," a voice came from the left of them.

"Yeah, I know," Fin said.

She laughed quietly. "I keep that in mind," she mumbled as she wrapped her arms around him.

He gave her a hug. She then closed her locker, said good-bye to John, and headed off to Huang's to get her head 'shrunk'.

* * *

**how was that? too short? too quick? let me know in some feedback please…**


	3. Chapter 3

_"**What am I going to do?" she sniffled as she began to wipe away the tears that tracked down her face.**_

_"**You regather yourself. You try and start over from where you were before this happened," Cragen hinted, meaning her and Elliot.**_

_"**Take the next week off. I gave Elliot it off as well as mental health time. But I would also like you to go see George before you go home. It'll do you some good," he replied as she nodded.**_

**_She slowly stood up and left the room. As she grabbed her things before going to her locker, Fin walked over to her. "How you holdin' up?" he asked._**

**_She shrugged with a fake smile plastered on her face. "Just barely, but I'll survive."_**

**_He smiled at that. "Well, you get your head together. But if you need any help at any time, you call me up and I'll take you out and we can drag Munch and his scrawny butt along too," he joked._**

_"**I heard that," a voice came from the left of them.**_

_"**Yeah, I know," Fin said.**_

**_She laughed quietly. "I'll keep that in mind," she mumbled as she wrapped her arms around him._**

_**He gave her a hug. She then closed her locker, said good-bye to John, and headed off to Huang's to get her head 'shrunk'**._

* * *

Elliot felt empty.

Elliot felt alone.

What had he done?

What could he have done?

As he sat on his couch in the cheap apartment, the silence echoed nothingness around him.

Olivia's heartbroken face was all he could see. The look in her eyes just made him want to turn away.

But whenever he did, it was still there. She was there, in his home, haunting him, calling out to him, crying for him. This afternoon was…too emotional for Elliot to think about.

As he thought about what happened now, he felt like nothing. Like the world around him had moved on without him.

As the events of the afternoon played out before him like a reel, he could not believe that it was him. He seemed so cold, so insensitive. The words that flowed from his mouth didn't appear as if they were in his voice. It sounded like it was someone else speaking.

'Don't think too much, Stabler. Thinking only causes more problems…' Elliot said to himself. Elliot got off the couch and began to pace back and forth. He tried to clear his mind of everything related to a certain person, but he was failing.

His mind was being drowned in thoughts and images of her. Her face, her voice, her laugh. Elliot began to smile while he thought of her laughing. But then it soon moved on from laughter. Her anger, her sadness, her in danger…

As Elliot started to relive the morning at the bus terminal, his breathing became heavy. He couldn't handle it, just like he couldn't handle it earlier. The thought of losing her was…

He had to talk to her. He needed to hold her, to tell her, to be with her. He must see her.

He couldn't. He couldn't go up to her and apologize, though. It would be too difficult for him. He was man of too much pride. It was gift and curse. In this case, it was a curse from hell, but he wasn't going to succumb to it.

Elliot placed his head into his hands and groaned. How was he going to let this happen? He was going to let his egotistical behavior get in the way of being with the woman that he had fallen in love with? Was he that stubborn?

As Elliot thought more about himself, he decided that, yes, he was…

* * *

The room seemed to be closing in on Olivia as she couldn't answer the question. George had asked it, she had mumbled something incoherently about him joking, and when she realized that he wanted her to answer the question, she felt like she couldn't breathe.

The session had started off with the normal questions: "How are you feeling?" "What have you been thinking?" "How did you feel that day?" "Do you want to reconcile your friendship with Elliot?"

After questions like this, Olivia was hoping they stayed this mild and did not go into the depths of the actual feelings.

But when Huang said to Olivia, "Today, when you two were in the warehouse with Gitano, if you hadn't seen the sharpshooters and they hadn't come, would you have shot Elliot to save the little girl?"

Olivia froze as she felt her mouth become dry. She cleared her throat as she tried to think of an answer that would sound acceptable. Who cared if she was lying? She needed to sound like a cop who wasn't head over heels in love with her partner.

"Well, if it came to the final moments, then – yes, I would've shot Elliot to save Rebecca," Olivia lied, thinking of how distraught she would be if she was the one to kill Elliot.

Huang raised his eyebrows intelligently, recognizing Olivia's lie immediately. "Really? So you're saying that you would be okay if you were the one to fire a gun straight at Elliot's head?"

Olivia's eyes opened at this remark. "Well, I-"

"You'd want to be known as the murderer of you partner?" George continued, felling terrible for the pain he had to inflict on Olivia. He truly cared for Olivia and Elliot. When Elliot had come in before the warehouse to talk to him, he felt the pain in Elliot's voice as if it was him own. Trying to be as empathetic as possible, he tried to imagine it was him in that postion, and the woman he loved was Olivia.

Tears filled Olivia's eyes. "Well, you see, what it is…I would've had to," she tried to defend herself.

George knew he only had to say one more thing. "You'd want to have to go up to Elliot's children, who you have grown to care for so dearly, and tell them that you were the cause for the end of their father's life?"

The tears started to choke Olivia as they flooded out of her eyes uncontrollably. What was happening her? She couldn't have cried twice in one day, could she? No…there was no way she just let herself.

Huang handed her a box of tissues which she graciously accepted to wipe away her tears. "I guess that I wouldn't have been able to do it. I would rather have Elliot and I both die together at the hands of a criminal than have to kill him myself…" she answered quietly.

George nodded. "I understand completely. Moving on from today, where would you like yours and Elliot's relationship to go from here?"

Olivia laughed bitterly. "Oh jeez, I don't know. Maybe co-existing without him screaming at me in the middle of the station is a good thing to aim for," Olivia spat sarcastically.

When she noticed that Huang wasn't going to take that, the smile disappeared from her face. She cleared her throat nervously at the awkward silence.

"I guess what I want …is to be happy. (**corniest line ever. sorry.) **I want to smile more, to laugh more. And honestly, the person who can only make me smile and laugh is Elliot. If I lose that, I don't know what I'll do," Olivia replied sincerely.

Huang smiled slightly at this, but was also upset, as it wasn't the answer he was hoping for. "I'm sorry if I seem like I'm prodding, but is that it?"

Olivia paused for a moment. Biting her lip, thinking if she wanted to let it all out, she decided that if she couldn't do it with Elliot, there was no other better person than calm George.

Olivia sat forward in her chair, "I guess, what it really is, is I would ask him why he said all those things today. I'd ask him what caused him to, I'd ask him if he truly meant them, and then I'd ask him the same question you asked me; you know, where we wanted our relationship to go. I don't want to trying and push something on Elliot that he doesn't want, even though I want it so badly. I guess I would play it out from there…"she trailed off.

George nodded. Glancing at his watch, then outside at gathering storm clouds, he said to Olivia, "I don't want to cut our session short, but it looks as if a thunderstorm is coming, and I don't want to have you standing out in the rain."

Olivia smiled at his compassion. "Thank you very much Huang. You have no idea ho much I appreciate you seeing me today." Olivia got up from her chair.

As Huang escorted Olivia to the door, he replied, "I'm glad I was able to help you. The only thing is that whenever I see someone, I like to give them something that they can do to help them improve their situation. Kind of a prescription that's an action…"

Olvia stopped. What in the world was she going to have to do?

"For yours, this may seem like a lot, but it truly will help. It doesn't matter how long, but I want you to do it tonight," Huang started.

"What is it?" Olivia asked, her voice wavering.

"Call Elliot."

* * *

**wow. long time no see. but it's summer, and summer long time to write. anyways, hope you liked the chapter. i tried to make huang as realistic as possible, and i thought the ending was good. but tell me what you think.**


	4. Chapter 4

**As Huang escorted Olivia to the door, he replied, "I'm glad I was able to help you. The only thing is that whenever I see someone, I like to give them something that they can do to help them improve their situation. Kind of a prescription that's an action…"**

**Olivia stopped. What in the world was she going to have to do?**

"**For yours, this may seem like a lot, but it truly will help. It doesn't matter how long, but I want you to do it tonight," Huang started.**

"**What is it?" Olivia asked, her voice wavering.**

**"Call Elliot"**

* * *

These words kept playing over and over in Olivia's head as pushed the mushy rice from the Chinese takeout place down the street around on her plate. Sighing, she felt like it was no use. 

How could she call him? What would she say to him? What if he yelled? Screamed? Told her he never wanted to work with her again?

'What are you thinking?' her own thoughts began to say to her. 'You're giving up that quickly? What happened in this short span of time that has caused you to crumble like this? How could you let a man like this have such control over you and what you do?'

Olivia shook her head, trying to get out all the nasty thoughts that were rising. Elliot was still the Elliot she knew and loved. It wasn't like some evil alien had taken over.

She got up and grabbed her barely touched plate of food. Walking to the kitchen sink to to scrape the leftover food down the drain, she looked out the window. The rain had just started to come down.

After dropping the rice into the drain, she ran the disposal. Dropping the plate into the sink with a mental note to wash it later, she headed into the living room of her small yet cozy apartment.

Sitting on the couch, she knew she had two choices. She could prolong it so long that she knew he wouldn't answer and just talk to his answering machine. Or, she could just call and get it over with.

She sat for moment, going over the ideas in her mind, each with their pros and cons. She groaned and grabbed the cordless phone from its holder. Taking a deep breath, she dialed the number she knew by heart.

Her heart was beating so loud she couldn't hear anything else. Then…one ring. Two rings…Three rings…

"Hello?" a voice answered.

"H-Hi Elliot," Olivia stuttered. At that point, Olivia knew she should have called at 2 in the morning.

"Hey Liv," he responded, his tone changing slightly. "What's up?"

She swallowed, although she felt like she was going suffocate. "Not much. I, uh, I was just wondering how you were," she managed to get out.

"I'm okay. How are you holding up?" he asked, a sudden rush of compassion in his voice.

"I'm-I'm doing fine, I guess." Olivia had thought that killing people was hard. Now, she was in a simple conversation with her best friend, and she felt like she was going to burst into tears at any moment. She had felt like this more in the last day than in the last ten years.

"I was about to call you when you called me," he said. Olivia could sense the smile on his face. That subtle yet sweet grin.

"Really? I-I just wanted to talk to you, I've felt kind of…lost ever since this afternoon," Olivia admitted.

"…No, I'm just on the phone with Liv. Yeah, hold on," Olivia heard Elliot say, although she knew it wasn't to her.

"El, who are you talking to?" she asked confused. Who could Elliot possibly have at his house?

"Oh, it's, uh, Kathy. She stopped by to make sure everything was okay. She saw it on the news," Elliot said.

The one word felt like a punch directly into Olivia's stomach. How could she have been so blind?

"Oh, well, uh, if you have company, I'll let you go," she mumbled quietly.

"NO! Liv, that's not what I meant. Olivia, please, don't hang up," Elliot shouted as he pulled the dead receiver away from his ear.

He walked to the door. Kathy stood there, with a questioning look on her face. "Are you sure you're okay? Because I can call James and cancel our dinner plans," she said soothingly.

Elliot placed a hand on his forehead. Kathy had stopped over before a date with her boyfriend of three months. He knew by telling Olivia she would've interpreted it differently.

"Nah, you go. I'm fine. Thanks for stopping though. Tell the kids-"Elliot started before Kathy cut him off.

"Elliot, what really happened today?" Kathy interuppted, raising her eyebrows.

"What do you mean? Everything they showed on TV was what happened."

"No. If you had gone through a harrowing day like this, and nothing else had happened, there would be someone else in the room. You and I both know that," Kathy persisted as Elliot grimaced. Was it that obvious?

"Elliot, what happened between you and Olivia?" she asked. "She would've been here much earlier than me if absolutely nothing else had happened during this day you explained to me."

Elliot didn't know what to say to her. He paused for a moment.

"Don't try and hide it from me. And don't you dare try to deny from her either. You are crazy about her, Elliot. You just don't want to admit it because you're scared that if you do, you'll get too attached. If you get too attached, she'll get hurt, and you would do anything to protect her," Kathy argued, her voice growing in volume.

"You have to tell her. By what it sounded like on the phone, you've already done your friendship a job. She's in love with you Elliot. Because I know you and Olivia so well, you must have said something to her today that hurt her. So she's going to keep distancing herself from you until you've lost her for good," she finished.

All the words that had come out of Kathy's mouth were flying around him. They were sharp and angry, like daggers. And they truthful.

"Do some right, Elliot. Tell her," Kathy told him before she left his steps and headed out to her car under the protection of her umbrella, as the rain was still pouring down.

Elliot watched her car until it wasn't there anymore. The words kept echoing in his brain. He looked at the phone. He could pick it up so easily and talk to her. But it wasn't that easy.

* * *

Olivia wiped the stray tears away. As she did, anger rose up within her. 

She grabbed a pillow from next to her on the couch. Putting it up to her face, she screamed into so loudly.

This was it. She knew it. She was crumbling. She always thought it was going to be a perp who did it. Who tortured her and drove her insane until her tough demeanor broke.

But no, Elliot beat them to it. He was the key to her downfall. He…he…

Olivia just wanted to punch him in face, after she kissed him, of course. How could a person feel such a different extreme of emotions at the same time?

She smiled. She could feel the old Olivia starting to take over. She knew it was going to happen sooner or later.

Looking at the clock, she saw it was going on 10. She bit her lip. She had to do it.

Grabbing her sneakers, coat, and the few dollar bills she had in her wallet, she locked her door, only to remember that it was raining.

She could go in and get an umbrella. No. her adrenaline was pumping, and if she stopped, she'd never start again.

Looking at her money, she knew it wouldn't get her very far in a taxi or a subway. But she had to get there. She had to get to Elliot's apartment. As she began to walk, pulling her coat tighter around her, she felt whole again.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

**god, i miss a good eo episode…**

**whatever happened to episodes like **_**burned**_** and **_**fault**_**, where the sexual tension was so steamy it fogged up the tv screen?**

**i hate how the eo episodes have become so analytical. **_**'ooh, there was a hug'. 'look, a smile!' 'oh, how sweet, we managed to get them in a room together.'**_

**jeez, whatever happened to classical svu?**

**anyway, what's up? haven't written in a while, what else is new? kind of on a benson/stabler fix, though, so I figured it'd be a good time to update. plus, we're expecting a snowstorm, meaning snow day, meaning more time to write.**

**about this chapter…it was the inspiration for the whole story, which was why I had the hardest time writing it. funny huh? i had planned on this being a songfic one shot, but then wanted to try my hand at a multichapter. **

**the song I had been listening to was "and i'm telling you i'm not going' by jennifer hudson from the dreamgirls soundtrack. not my usual style, i know, but it just seemed to fit…just read and you'll find out. :)

* * *

**

Olivia had no idea where she was.

Water dripped down her entire body, soaking her to core. Wet didn't even being what she was feeling. Her hair clung to her face. The eyeliner she had been wearing (which she didn't even know why she was wearing) had dripped off and in puddle somewhere 3 blocks back. Her coat no longer provided any warmth, only making her colder. She looked around the empty Brooklyn road.

All she saw was darkness. And rain, more and more rain.

"Shit," she muttered to herself, continuing to walk along. It felt like she had been out here for forever, but in reality, it had only been about an hour.

What was she doing? Elliot wasn't going to want to see her. Besides, what was she going to do? Walk in on him and Kathy making love? Say to him, "Uh, hey, El, as if things weren't awkward enough between us, I'm here to make it worse."

No. She wasn't going to think like that. She was going to go and see him. And tell him how she felt. She was his partner, and this was just as much his fault as it was hers. She couldn't keep blaming herself for this. He knew there was something there, or else he wouldn't have said that to her today.

As she kept going back and forth with herself about what she was going to do, bright lights practically blinded her. Olivia lifted her arm, trying to shield her eyes.

The light came closer…until Olivia realized it was her prayers answered. A taxi!!

She waved it down, hoping they would see her in her drowned black coat. Running at it, waving her arms and screaming, she sighed in happiness when it pulled to the side of the road.

Pulling open the backseat door and climbing in, she grabbed out the few dollars she had. Practically throwing them at the driver along with showering with some water from her coat, she questioned "How far will this get me?"

"Lady, this is only seven bucks. It'll only get three or four miles-"

"That's fine. Just get me the closest you can to Hartt Street on seven bucks as you can. I'll walk the rest," she exclaimed, placing the money into his hand before slumping back against the seat. When the driver didn't do anything except for glance warily at her, she raised an eyebrow at him. "Well? What are you waiting for? I paid you seven dollars; now take me as far as you can."

"Who is this person?" the driver asked.

"What?" Olivia growled. Who did this guy think he was? First, he wasn't going to take her money, and then he was questioning who she was going to see…

"Nothing. He just must be a pretty special guy if you'd walk miles in the rain for him."

* * *

"_Elliot" she called out, motioning for him to follow her through the bus terminal. Elliot nodded, a little confused, and a little infatuated. Why hadn't he realized before that Olivia was only in her bra and panties?_

_Olivia ran through a crowd of people, none of them having a problem with her outfit. As she held her gun out, and ran, Elliot thought to himself that he recognized this surrounding. He knew what was going to happen, but he couldn't happen._

"_Elliot!!" Olivia called. He whipped his head around. Olivia was jumping up and down, pointing to the left, mouthing, "He's over there! He's over there!' Elliot turned his head, and there indeed was Victor Gitano, staring at Olivia with the same look as Elliot._

_Elliot's mouth dropped open. Besides his partner's curves bouncing around freely in front of his eyes, he couldn't help think that she had slightly gone off the deep end. He ran up to her. Placing his hands firmly on her bare shoulders, he said sternly to her, "Olivia, what are you doing? Are you trying to ruin this whole investigation?"_

_Olivia's smile faded. Her laughter, what he loved about her, died down. "How could you say something like that?" she mumbled._

"_Liv, what are you talking about? Are you okay?" his tone softening._

"_SHUT UP ELLIOT!!" she shouted, pushing him away from her. As she tried to walk away, he grabbed onto her and pulled her back. Pulling her, he saw her face was moist with tears._

"_What's wrong? What happened?" Elliot asked her. Something was definitely wrong with his picture. Why had all of a sudden his partner become vulnerable and emotional…and liked to wear lingerie to work?_

"_Are you saying this is my fault?"_

"_Olivia, stop with the questions-"_

"_Did you really expect me to be the one to end your life?"_

"_What?" What the fuck was going on?_

_Olivia just smiled and shook her head. "I'm fine Elliot, just stop Gitano." As she said this, a look of pain overtook her face. She placed her hand onto her stomach, and pulled it off. Her hand was covered in slick red from a stab wound that was placed into her torso. _

_Elliot gasped/shuddered at the sight this. "I'm fine Elliot just stop Gitano!" she yelled at him repeatedly, until she began to waver on her feet. _

_She collapsed into Elliot, her blood beginning to soak him. A feeling he would never forget. Elliot tried to shout, but his voice failed him repeatedly. Olivia's eyes became sleepy as her breaths slowed. _

"_I want a new partner-"_Elliot shot up off the couch panting. Drenched in a cool sweat he glanced at the muted television, feeling a little more comfortable with his surrounding as he saw Conan's face.

He sat up on the couch, trying to shake all of those images out of his head. What in the world could have caused a dream like that? All those things she did, she said…

They were things she said to him during the day, except for the last part He didn't know if she said that to him. They were things she said when she was hurt.

"God Elliot, do you think you could have screwed up any worse?" he said to himself as he placed his head into hands and finally, for the first time today, broke down.

* * *

Just keep going Olivia.

It's just a little farther up the road.

Which it actually was. She could see it. It was just getting her legs to keep moving. Her legs had no feeling in them, and her whole body had begun to shake uncontrollably with cold.

The taxi driver had dropped her off at ten dollars fare, saying her would put in the extra three bucks. She thanked him, apologized that she couldn't leave him a tip and got out, finally recognizing where she was. She was about a half a mile away.

One step at a time, Liv, she said to herself. Keep going. That's why you started this in the first place.

If Kathy answers the door…well, we'll worry about that when that happens.

Just, just keep thinking about Elliot. And as she did, her pace quickened. She had to see him. Right now. Who cared if she was cold or not? This was the man she had secretly loved for the past 6 or so years.

As she approached his driveway, she paused and took a deep breath. This was it. All or nothing. And as she looked at the house, she saw his silhouette in the all too familiar living room by the glow of the television.

She pulled her hood down, and strode up the driveway and up the stairs to his door. **(a.n I'm not sure if I said Elliot lived in an apartment, but we'll just say he lives in a house, Olivia is in an apartment)

* * *

**

As Elliot got up from the couch and wiped away the tears that had tracked down his face, he realized him sitting here on the couch pondering wasn't going to make matters better. He got up to turn off the TV, but as he did, he saw a figure coming up his driveway.

Confused, he glanced at the clock in the kitchen. It was 12:27. What possible person could want to talk to him at this time of day?

They kept coming up the driveway, up the stairs, and then stood at his door for a couple minutes.

Elliot, figuring it must be an intruder, grabbed his gun. Looking out his side window, he saw that the figure was just about knock on.

No way was he going to be caught off guard by some stupid punk trying to break into his house. He was smarter than that. Grabbing the door and yanking it open…

* * *

Olivia kept pacing back on the door step, hoping that Elliot was standing there watching her thinking, "Oh my God, my partner is a freak."

As she thought more about the circumstances her irrational side was telling her that this was an awful idea. Get out while you still can Olivia!! Walk the five miles back to your house in the pouring rain!

But the reasonable part of her drowned it out. She was supposed to be here. She wanted to be here. And most of all, she needed to see Elliot.

Soon as she lifted her hand to knock on the on door, it swung open, revealing the face of her partner.

"Hey," she said.

The two stared at each other, tension so thick that it could suffocate. It was while before Elliot realized Olivia was shaking.

His expression then completely changed as he opened the door and ushered her in, and saw that she was drenched. No, drenched didn't even start it.

As he looked outside, he didn't see a car, and it was obviously she hadn't taken a taxi.

She pulled off her coat and realized that every part of her clothing was soaked.

"Liv," Elliot asked as he closed the door, "did you walk here?"

Olivia froze. Damn. "Um, that's really not important, El." She plastered one of her fake smiles onto her face.

He raised one of his eyebrows. Olivia, knowing that expression all too well, shrugged. "I had to talk to you in person. I didn't have any cash. So that left walking."

Elliot was stunned. She walked miles in the downpour to see him.

As the two of them stood awkwardly in front of the doorway, Elliot turned to her. "So, what'd you want to talk about?"


	6. Chapter 6

**God, I can't wait until April 15****th****. The spoilers for it make it sound amazing. So, chapter six right here. Not like I'm trying to get out of anything, but this isn't going to be a super long story…It was just an idea I wanted to try my hand at along with writing my first Law and Order SVU story. Besides, I have this thing that whenever I get an idea for a new plot in my head, I feel like I have to write as much as possible before I can start it. And this plot I have…oh boy, I really like it. :)

* * *

**

Olivia stood there, not quite sure of what was actually happening.

She had just walked for three hours in the cold pouring rain with a reason to come to her partner. Yet she hadn't managed to think of what she was going to say? Great job Liv, she said to herself as she swore under her breath.

She looked down at her feet, hating the fact the Elliot was still looking at her. The gaze was practically smoldering, and she loved it. As a red flush rose up onto her cheeks, she felt like she was back in high school. What was happening to her? Loss of words, blushing at the sight; what next, swooning, maybe incoherent babbling?

But what Olivia didn't know was that while she was experiencing this newfound sense of awkwardness, so was her partner. When he felt himself at a loss for words, he smiled. This new vulnerable side of Olivia was so different. Although he loved (yes, loved) the strong, authoritative Olivia, seeing this one who wouldn't rip your arm off if you came too close was just a nice change.

"I – I guess I just wanted to come over here and see you," she said softly, looking up at him.

He nodded, for his dry mouth wouldn't produce any words. As he motioned for her to follow him up the stairs, she began to curse herself. 'God Olivia! Do you think you could have sounded any stupider! Why didn't you just throw yourself at in? Maybe even climb in his bed? You'd be giving him the same idea!'

The two of them walked into his living area. As he shut off the TV, Olivia realized that she was, well, dripping. "El, I'm sorry," she said with a stiff laugh.

"No problem. It's water," he answered as he sat down on the couch. She went and sat down next to him. He grabbed the blanket that had been thrown over the back and wrapped it around her shivering body.

"So, how have you been tonight?" Olivia said quietly, not turning to Elliot. She really didn't care. But she hated whenever there was an awkward silence between the two of them. It made it feel like all the focus in the room was surrounded around them.

Elliot shrugged. "Better than I expected, honestly. By now I figured that I would have punched a hole in a wall, or at least drank myself to the floor," he replied with a slight smile.

She smiled as well. Just like Elliot. Try to make her feel better by turning something so somber into a joke.

"What about you?"

Olivia's eyes opened wide focusing hard on the wood floor. She wasn't expecting that.

'_I'm awful, you stupid dick. All I've done is thought about how we can never be the same, and yet I can only think about how much I love you at the same time. How can you make me feel so much hatred yet make me love you too?'_

Biting her tongue, she tried to think of a good lie. She prayed one would come to her, to make her seem as cool and disinterested as he had come off. Yet nothing would. All that came to her was tears, in a large amount.

"Fuck," she whispered as she found herself overcome by sobs.

Elliot froze. What had he said? He didn't know what to do. Usually in a situation like this, he'd comfort her and mumble reassurances in her ear until she laughed. Now, he wasn't sure what to do. With their relationship on such rocky ground and his want to tackle her and kiss her until their lips swelled wouldn't make for a good comfort.

He let her cry. When she realized he was just sitting there, she stopped short. Wiping her tears, she muttered, "Oh that is so like you."

"What? What's that supposed to mean?" Elliot asked, confused by the sudden turn of events.

Olivia wiped her eyes with her damp shirt. Throwing the blanket at his face, she jumped off his couch. "You don't think there's anything wrong between us Elliot! You just want to move on from here and pretend everything is A-O-K!" she exclaimed,

He sat there for a moments, unsure of what to do. "Liv, I never wanted to do anything like that. I'm not exactly sure where you're getting these ideas from, though," he accused, raising one of his eyebrows.

"God, this is just like today. Run away from everything. Run away from something just as it's about to happen," she yelled as pulled at her hair.

Elliot jumped off the couch and walked over to her. His voice growing, he said to her, "Okay, these are two totally different situations. Today I was just stating the fact of what had happened between. And now, I'm attempting to convince that you're wrong. That I'm not trying to make everything better by running."

She stopped talking for a moment. Sighing, she changed the tone of her voice. "You know, for the twenty or so minutes I've been here, I've realized what I wanted to say to you." She picked his hands up in hers. "Elliot, we've been partners for the past 7 years. And for those seven wonderful year, you have been my best friend, my rock, and my only family. I've never had a normal life, and you being there made me feel like I had someone. I loved it." (**omg, it sounds like a wedding vow**)

She paused for a moment as she felt her voice start to crack. She quickly gathered herself, and made all efforts to avoid eye contact with him. She couldn't look. Not yet anyway. "Then, everything changed. You got divorced, and slowly everything became different. The feelings we once had for each other weren't the same. They were new and different. Deep down in my heart, I had always hoped that something would come out of it. I laid on that floor bleeding today, and your body on top of mine, strange as it sounds, it felt so right. When we were in the warehouse together and Gitano had that gun to your head, the only thing that kept me from shooting myself was I knew you'd die then."

"I just couldn't handle it. It made me feel like I held your life in my hands, and with so much blood on my hands already, I couldn't have yours. After that, I just wanted to tell you everything, but you said about never screwing up like this again. I fell apart there in the office. You walked out. I stayed there, and still couldn't believe what had happened. Was I just supposed to pull the trigger Elliot? 'Oh, he's just the only man I ever loved. I guess I'll kill him!!'" she finished with a sardonic laugh. Two lone tears tracked down her face.

Not bothering to wipe them away, she squeezed his hands, and gave him a small smile. "So El, now that you know everything, I have one question for you. Just give me the answer to it, and I'll be out of your hair."

Elliot stared at her, his mouth open. His brain couldn't string together any form of a sentence, but even if he could, he knew that his mouth wouldn't be able to speak those sentences.

"Elliot Stabler…" she began, her wavering, but then growing in strength, "do you, or at any time in your life have you, loved me?"

Olivia stared at him, her eyes wide with tears. She usually would have scolded herself for all the crying she had done today, but it didn't matter. She had just emptied her soul.

And yet, her partner wasn't saying anything. He just stood there, his mouth slightly parted. As every second ticked by, Olvia felt her heart slowly break. After what had felt like hours and days but what was really about two minutes, she frowned. She then dropped his hands. Without a word, she made her way to the door.

It then hit her. It was all over. Everything that she had worked for over the past seven years had gone down the drain in the past twelve hours. She had lost her partner, her family and the best friend she had ever had.

As she reached for the door knob, a hand clasped over her, blocking her from going out the door. She stopped as she felt his presence right behind her. She shut her eyes, and slowly turned around.

He stood right there, looking as collected as he possibly could. Taking the hand that was still clasped in his, he placed in on his cheek. With a subtle smile, the one that she loved the most, he cupped her jaw in his hands. Pulling her face to his, he whispered to her before their lips met, "I'm not running anymore."

* * *

**(drops to the floor in a fluffy mess) Wow. That was, in possibly the most romantic dramatic thing I've ever met. And yet, I loved it:) I just love the chapters I write more and more. Review please. Cause I like them. A lot. Reviews make me happy. :)**


End file.
